I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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