You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
