Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
