I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
