I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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