I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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