Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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