I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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