That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
