Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
