DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
