my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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