I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
