Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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