So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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