i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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