Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
