He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
