I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
