Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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