You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm lost and stupid without you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
