I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
