She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
