I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
