john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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