Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
