I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
