My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
