your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
