You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
