How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
