Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
