hotel room ftw
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
