i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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