I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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