did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's the barista slut.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
