i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
