If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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