I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
