Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
