he puts the penis in happiness.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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