You're my little dorito
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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