Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
