Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
