I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
