i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
