I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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