He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
