Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
