all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
