Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
