so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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