I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
