to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
